suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

A “Five” Parter! Part One – – –

I’ve done alot of reading this summer.  At my age, I not only still need to keep my mind active, but it’s also a new tool I’m using to help me “power down” and relax before turning out the lights.  You see, I have a hard time falling asleep.  Have for a long time.  I figure that reading is better for me than Ambien.

Plus, I’m old-fashioned.  Even tho’ I own a Kindle and have about a dozen books downloaded to read, I’m clearing out my paperback stash!  (refer to the earlier “declutter” post!)

The book I’m almost finished with is:

“Lord, Change My Attitude Before It’s Too Late”

by:  James MacDonald

Safe to say, we all know how our attitude can affect our daily lives and decisions.  It also affects how others perceive us AND treat us.  The author divides it into five parts.  I could see myself, and others, in all of those parts.  So for fun, and for the purpose of sharing, I thought I’d tell you about those five attitude changes you can make to be a happier and healthier person.  It’s never too late – right?

Part One:

Replace a Complaining Attitude with a Thankful Attitude!

I’ve written about this one before, from many different angles.  It is still something so important to think about – and so easy.

What does complaining really get you?  Does it get those things changed that drive you crazy?  Do you really think you’re going to change another person’s thoughts, actions, feelings by complaining?  Uhhhhh, really?  Yeah . . . no!

One of my biggest?

Drivers.   I’m a native Houstonian, I learned to drive in Houston (survival of the craziest!) and I can tell you that there are alot of really really (have I emphasized really?) bad drivers there.  I fuss at them out loud from the inside of my car.

I used to honk at them.  Now people carry guns so instead I just frown (I need BOTOX!) or glare.

They change lanes without looking.  They don’t use their blinkers.  They wait till the LAST minute to get over to the exit, even tho’ they knew five miles back that they needed to exit there.  They crawl along while talking on their cells.  They text.  They don’t follow directions.  They don’t use their mirrors.  They don’t follow signs saying “No Left Turn”.  They pull into the entrance of a store going 5 miles an hour . . . after not using their signal.

What is that getting me?  Nothing, just more anger.  It’s something I am really working on.  It sounds petty and silly but it’s my reality.  So now what to do?

When I feel a complaint coming on, what would happen if I started thinking of the things I’m thankful for?  In this book, it has a page you are to copy and list five things every day you are thankful for.  There have been FB challenges before to friends to list everyday, for a certain number of days, things you are grateful for.  This is the same concept.

So now every morning when I walk the dog, I think in my head – here are the five things I am grateful/thankful for today.  It could be as small as the sweet 11 year old German Shepherd rescue that I am so lucky “rescued” me, or as profound as receiving news that a son is having a baby and I am going to be a grandmother!

You and I – if we put our minds to it – have alot to be grateful/thankful for.  We just need to focus on those things more than the complaints.  So logical, but so glad that I was reminded of this.  Much easier to be a complainer, but much healthier to be full of thankfulness.

Are you up to the challenge???

 

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Chicken Soup – Third Share

This will be the last share, there are so many, but I also have so many others things to offer here that I’m going to move on after this one.

Chapter 100, pages 338-340 by Tena Beth Thompson:

“When I was newly divorced, I found life scary and intimidating.  At first, I felt I was being punished, but in reality I was given the opportunity to find myself and create a new life.  I had no idea where it would take me, but I was ready to take the leap.  Although I was frightened to travel in a new direction, it was also exciting to ponder my options.  I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but I knew what I didn’t want:  the old me.  I was not the same person I had misplaced all those years ago.  Prior to this time, my epitaph could have read, “She died without ever having lived.”  Thankfully, that would no longer be the case. I was now strong and embraced the courage I never knew I had.”

This can be your view no matter what has occurred to alter your “life as you knew it”.

I went from being a daughter, to a wife, to a mother.  I was never just me.  There were times I was made to feel like being “me” wasn’t good enough, or a part of “the plan” – even though I had very little input into that same plan.

Now I make the plan.  Now I can be “me”.  I have been given the gift of a new beginning and as it said on the cover of this book – I will “thrive”.  It’s not without it’s challenges, and scary times, but I’m going to be happier and stronger than ever before!

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Family . . . ‘Nuff Said

I grew up in a fairly small family, all things considered.  Mother, Father, brother and me.  My parents were older when they married (thanks to WWII and Korea), so I really only ever had one grandparent that I remember well.  My brother never married and we’re not that close.

My father’s sister never married, so not alot of aunts, uncles, cousins to speak of on the paternal side.  My mother’s siblings did marry and have kids but we never really saw them.  My ex had siblings that married, had kids, and now those kids are having kids.  As with most ex situations, for the most part post divorce, they moved on.  There are a few exceptions, but not many.

Suffice to say when I refer to my “family”, it’s mostly my mother, my sons and their wives, and three grandchildren.   At 98, my mother doesn’t travel any more, sadly we’re not in the same town.  My sons lives are full of their wives, jobs and children now.  It’s a weird ‘in the middle” place that I find myself.

The life plan had been to be happily approaching retirement at this age, and exploring the world again as it started when first married – “on our own”.  That plan left me ten years ago.  So being “in the middle” alone is kinda weird . . . and at times lonely.

To toss around some grammar here, I no longer seem to have either affect or effect on their decisions or their daily lives.  That is their choice.  I am no longer necessarily “necessary”.  Ours is not a “Matriarchal” family set up.  I am on the outside looking in through their bubble.  They are happy in their bubble, so when I saw this post above, it put into words what I was feeling.

I have to love them “exactly as they are now”.  To wish otherwise gains nothing.  I pray nightly for my family generation ahead of me, and behind me.   We all bring value to this world.

 

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Surround Yourself With The Best!

Probably you’re thinking that I mean products, things, or places – but I don’t.  Today I share from “The Rhythm of Life” and Matthew Kelly:

“The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards.  They either help us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves.  We become like our friends.”

I’ve been very introspective on friendships lately.  Could be because I’m getting older?  Could be because those I thought were friends I could depend on, disappointed me?  Could be because my circle of friends has become smaller yet tighter?

Maybe I’m making smarter, healthier choices because I really do want to become the-best-version-of-myself!

Wha’dya think?

 

 

 

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Same Song – Second Verse!

I’ve shared these thoughts before, and if you’re like me, after reading them you realize there are some people in your life, past or current, who fit the description.  We all have them.

The good news is, if you’re aware of it, you can change it – or at the very least, not let it alter your life in a negative way.  I’ve become very aware of how some personality types can try to manipulate you – my strength in resisting this has grown.  I feel sorry for them.

The better news is learning there are wonderful people in your life who do not feel that need to manipulate you, control you or drag you down.

The best news is going forward through what time on this earth I have remaining, and choosing to surround myself with happy, healthy and wholesome people who lift me up!  Today you too can choose to be one of those happy, healthy and wholesome people . . . and lift someone up.

We can make 2017 freakin’ awesome!  Who’s with me?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/9-signs-youre-dealing-with-an-emotional-manipulator_us_58a732fae4b026a89a7a2a2b?ncid=engmodushpmg00000006

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Cranky? Who . . . Me??

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My parents were a bit older when they married.  I believe WWII and Korea did that to many couples.  They rushed to get married, or put it off.  Mine met between the two, but Korea definitely pushed it up when my Dad’s regiment got called up.

The reason I mention having “older parents” is that while growing up, I was always around “older people”.  I can remember especially how cranky most of the “older women” seemed.  I wondered why, were they just mean?  Were they disappointed in life?  Were all their friends and family mean to them?

I promised myself I would never be cranky when I became one of those older women.  Now mind you, at that young age, most of these “older women” were probably in the late 40’s, early 50’s.  I’ve blown way past that age and I don’t feel “old”.  But sometimes I do feel cranky.

I don’t consider myself mean, I’ve had some challenges in life but I’m not disappointed in life, and most of my friends and family are not mean.  So why am I cranky?

When I saw the quote above, I had to laugh because it does describe me at my crankiest.   I’ve lost patience as I’ve aged.  When, in my opinion, things are not being done the way I would do them, I get irritated.  I have to stop and remind myself that often there are many ways to do the same thing, and my way may not be the only way or the right way or the fastest way . . . it’s just “my” way.

I shall try to be less controlling, as mentioned above.  I shall try to be less cranky as admitted to.  But if you happen to ask for my opinion . . . well . . .

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Resolutely Giving Up Resolutions!

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It’s not even a month yet and already most people have probably given up on some, if not all of their New Year’s Resolutions!  For me, if I’d lost those 10 pounds each year I’ve resolutely resolved to lose those 10 pounds??   I would’ve disappeared by now.  POOF!

This year I plan to not set myself up for failure!  I learned alot in 2016.  I learned that people I thought I could trust – don’t have my back.  That doesn’t make me “less” trustful, just makes me realize that all those years that you heard the saying, “You can count on one hand the true friends you have”; it’s probably true.

I used to count the number of good friends I had by the number of Christmas cards I mailed out.  Let’s just say that both numbers have been pared down over the past year.  That’s not really a bad thing, gives me more time to concentrate on the right people for the right reasons!

You don’t choose the bad things that happen to you, but you do choose how you handle them.  So in 2017 – as Charlie Brown says above, I choose to be happy.

Life will never be perfect, but this year I vow to make the most of it, and to be resolutely resolved to put happiness in my heart and a smile on my face.

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Being Authentic To Yourself . . .

Life is hard, we’re challenged every day.  Making the right decision when faced with a dilemma can be tough.  You weigh all your options but at the end of the day, you are best served being true to yourself.

This author calls it being authentic, I call it stressful – but I plan to do more of it in 2017.

Doesn’t really matter if you’re single and alone, or in a relationship and dealing with a partner.  At the end of every day, you are accountable for your decisions and your actions.  Perhaps choosing to be more authentic will shine a light on your future path.

Shut out all the crowd “noise” and listen to that inner voice.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/13772102

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Living Around Unhealthy People?

We’ve all heard the term:  narcissist.   I never really knew what it meant exactly until I looked it up after I heard it used in a conversation one day.  Boy did it strike a chord.  Read this article below and if you have one of these people around you?  Beware.  Do not let them suck the air out of your life.

Whether you think it’s just a behavior or something diagnosable matters not.  It’s not healthy to act this way, or be around someone who does.  From the childhood playground bully, to the adult trying to manipulate you at work, in your social circle or even your own family.

You cannot be expected to change another person’s behavior, but you can change yours and how you deal with theirs.  Thanks to my GF for sharing this with me, and helping me understand the definition.

How To Deal With A Narcissist: The Only Method Guaranteed To Work

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Staying Strong!

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I’ve had a lot of things going on recently, mostly unpleasant and highly irritating.  Tough to be in that position of hearing all the anger and negativity in people you thought you knew.  Even tougher when that anger and negativity is directed toward you.

Staying strong in the face of such adversity isn’t easy, but it is doable.  Staying strong for yourself and your future is so important.  Staying strong despite the “Negative Nellies” chomping at your heels is a test of your fortitude.

Being true to yourself, being a warrior, offering up prayers so you can move those mountains – learning who the true friends are and thanking God for them every day.  But most of all staying strong and true to yourself.

Like the running back carrying the ball, hurdling tacklers and stiff-arming defenders along his way to the end zone – he has an ultimate goal in mind, and will move mountains to get there.

And so will I . . . . and so can you.

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