Two thirds of the way along our Life’s Lessons journey and I just love this one! It needs no explanation, only trust in the possibilities!
“Believe in miracles.”
They do happen!
Amen!
Lesson #29
“Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.”
In other words, keep your priorities straight!
Don’t keep in touch? Really? These days with the reach of social media and the internet, how can you come up with any legit reason to not keep in touch with friends and family.
Cell phones, no long distance charges, texting, Facebook and email – these are many of the ways you can keep a relationship from fading away into nothingness. “He/She was a great employee” should not be how your tombstone reads.
I would much prefer to be remembered for the type of friend I was. I would much prefer to be remembered as a good mother who raised/reared two great sons. I would much rather be remembered as a fun grandmother, a passionate volunteer, a caring human being – one who stayed in touch.
Lesson #28
“However good or bad a situation is, it will change.”
This is remarkably close to yesterday’s lesson. If you give a situation enough time, it will change.
We have a saying in Texas, “If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes . . .”
If I have the patience, the right attitude and a little luck – I mostly can get my bad situations turned around. It used to be easier just to whine about them and do nothing. Remember the lesson on throwing yourself a pity party?
I’ve learned that it’s my responsibility to do the best I can, to get those bad situations turned around and make them in to, if not good situations, at least more tolerable.
Keep a positive attitude, wow does it make a HUGE difference.
Lesson #27
“Time heals almost everything. Give time time.”
“Impatience” is my middle name. This one speaks LOUDLY to me.
It also doesn’t take a genius to figure this lesson out either. You cannot rush yourself through divorce recovery. You cannot rush yourself through any kind of recovery.
Do not rush yourself through life, because you will miss a lot along the way. Stopping to “smell the roses” is something I intend to do a lot more of both literally and figuratively.
I’m going to give “time” a chance!
Lesson #26
“What other people think of you is none of your business.”
Today would’ve been my Father’s 105th birthday. Of course, I lost him long ago, in March of 1998 but his wisdom has stayed with me forever. I sometimes wonder what he’s thinking of my life’s journey as he looks down at me from up above. Does he have a good opinion of how I’m doing?
He’s visiting his elders in their heavenly nursing homes, singing in the church choir, mowing and “edging” the grass every Saturday, playing devil’s advocate in every conversation, rooting for his beloved Texas Aggies and looking for a foot massage (except we called them “rubs” back in the day!).
He would’ve given me the above advice. He was his own man. He was a man’s man. My Dad served in the Army through WWII and Korea. He was a leader of men, and gave no quarter. Mostly he minded his own business, and rarely minded anyone else’s. He lived his life and allowed others to live theirs.
Opinions of his actions were seldom, if ever, sought. To say he was self-assured is an understatement, but then again, he grew up in a much different time. There was not much of a male role model in his life, so my Granny sent him to “military academy” – back when it wasn’t a place of just troubled young men. She wanted him to have strong structure and guidance, and he got it. Served him well in his Army career, and later in his engineering career.
When we live our lives worried about what others think of us, we’re not being very good or fair to ourselves. If all we do is seek their approval and their opinion of our actions and our lives, we’re not really living for ourselves – we’re living for them.
It really isn’t my business to know the opinions others hold of me; I’m pretty sure I might be surprised. They don’t know my reality, they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes. As long as I continue to live my daily life in a physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy way, then really only my opinion should be my business.
Live your life so you have an excellent opinion of yourself! I think you’ll turn out A-OK!
Lesson #25
“Forgive everyone everything.”
I’m really glad they waited half way through their list before they hit me with this one.
I used to tell people that the personalities of my spouse and I were so different. When it came to anger or being mad, he’d explode, get it all out of his system then move on. I pouted, sulked, took names and kept score.
Forgiveness is something we all want, so why is it so very hard to give?
Flash back to the life lesson telling you not to hold onto your anger because it only hurts you. Not forgiving someone is also only hurting yourself. Keeping it all inside and letting it fester is an open wound. The more important thing to me is not the “how” you get it done, but the “when”.
It’s also an action that happens at your own pace. My mind told me after my husband’s first affair that the only way to work it out, and stay together, was for me to be able to forgive his infidelity. My heart said, “Say what?” – but I worked on it, it was tough, and eventually I got there.
And then he goes and does it again . . . so I worked on it again, harder.
Forgiving him isn’t saying what he did was alright, or that it didn’t matter. Forgiveness is not giving the person who hurt you an excuse, or a get outta jail card free. Forgiveness freed me to move on and become a better, happier, healthier person. Forgiveness is a “work in progress” – but it won’t progress unless you actually try it, embrace it, and give it a chance.
Lesson #24
“Frame every so-called disaster with these words: In five years, will this matter?”
Guess it would depend on the so-called disaster.
A friend spills wine on my rug and just looks at me with an “Oh, was that me?” look on her face and makes no move to clean it up? Yes, that’s a disaster of the moment, but certainly won’t matter to me in five years (assuming it’s not red wine and ruins the carpet). Seriously, it’s upsetting at the time, but doesn’t alter the course of my life.
My ex sister-in-law lost both her husband unexpectedly, and a couple of months later, her house to a tornado, in the same year. Now that would be a disaster that would still matter in five years. Her house has been rebuilt, but will her life ever be the same?
What used to matter to me has really changed since my divorce. I hazard a guess (as I gracefully grow older) that even without the divorce, some of those things would have mattered less and less anymore. Our priorities change, our needs change and hopefully our graciousness over how we handle “so-called disasters” grows.
This life lesson falls under the category of: Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Lesson #23
We’ve crossed the half way mark on our Life’s Lessons adventure. I don’t know about how you’re feeling, but I’ve loved having “food for thought” everyday. If you’re reading this, thanks for going on this journey with me!
“No one is in charge of your happiness except you.”
Let’s say that again:
“NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU.”
‘Nuff said!
Lesson #22
“The most important sex organ is the brain.”
Oh to have had this statement when my sons were teenagers!! Not implying they were sexually active, but it just says what you need to say in such a sweet succinct way!
Now that I’m single and “out there” again, it’s still such a powerful statement. Ladies, and a few gentlemen, these are different times. There are so many diseases and other consequences out there if you are sexually active. Being prepared isn’t being promiscuous, it’s being smart.
Even married, I never thought about being careful and protected because we were monogamous . . . right? WRONG! Do you know how embarrassing it was every time I learned of a new affair to have to go to the gynecologist and ask for a test for HIV/Aids?
All I think this lesson is saying is to do just that – THINK! Use your brain, protect yourself. Impulse is great if it’s having an impromptu picnic on a gorgeous spring day. Impulse when it comes to sex needs to be put in check.
Check what your true feelings for this person are.
Check whether he’s truly single (if you’re dating) or truly monogamous (if you’re married).
Check if this is the right time to be intimate or are you just feeling really lonely and this fills a hole in your heart.
Check your heart.
Check that you’re not just a booty call, trust your intuition.
Check what his intentions are, what are yours?
Your brain is a powerful tool, use it and be smart. Your heart will appreciate it.
Lesson # 21
“Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.”
Oops! I already wear purple . . . and orange . . . and bright yellow . . . and my power color: red!!
I’ve always been about color, it just makes me happy. Luckily my career choices have always been those that encourage self expression – within guidelines.
My ex, on the other hand, chose a career path that of being a CPA. Straight out of college he went to work for one of the Big 8. Over the years that has whittled down through mergers and government interference to just 4 now. The point being, if you were in an accounting firm (and probably the same for most large law firms) there was a dress code. You wore navy blue and dark grey suits. Your dress shirts were white, occasionally on a special occasion you could wear white instead. (small joke)
You could have some color with a tie (or a small neck bow if you were female) but even that was pretty limited to blues and dark reds. There was no personal creative expression allowed – you blended in.
I remember once we were headed out to a social gathering, being picked up at our house by another couple from the “firm”. The ex was already ready and pacing in the living room. I came out of the bedroom ready (with plenty of time still) dressed in what I thought was a cute ensemble appropriate for the occasion – a sporting event. He took one look at me and said, “You’re not wearing that are you?”
Don’t you just love those questions? I mean really, if you weren’t “really” wearing that, then why in the world would you have put it on?? Seriously?? But I knew the reason behind the shot across the bough, it was TOO much, TOO colorful, TOO attention getting, TOO me. After all, my roll in life was to blend in, and let all attention be focused on him.
Even now, I’m far from being what I would consider eccentric. I do however, dress for myself. If I want to be daring and wear a bright color, I do. I dress age appropriately, I don’t leave the house in anything that would embarrass my children or my parents – but I do allow myself to be “me”. And I do enjoy wearing purple!
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