suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Drama Queens??? Who Needs Them??

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

If getting back up is living, then I am alive and well!

When I was very young, being a child of older parents – I was always around much older adults.  There was more than the fair share of cranky old women and men.  I never understood why they were always in a bad mood.  I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with me, but I wondered what made them that way?

I promised myself then and there that I would not grow up to be a cranky old woman.

Uh Oh!

Now that I myself am an adult, surrounded by other adults – I think I’m beginning to understand.  I still don’t want to be “one of them, the cranky ones” – but I’m starting to understand the how and why they got that way.  The difference today?  I can make a choice to not let it turn me into the same thing.  I can remove myself.

When I read the above statement, it was like a very bright light bulb went off in my brain.  By nature I am the fixer, the pleaser, the consensus builder – but some people just do not want to be happy.  They thrive in their “poor me” land.  It’s the way they seek attention.  Not this woman.  Much like the past post I wrote several years ago about the “bobbin” on top of the water?  That’s me, I’m going to pop back up onto the surface.

Scroll back up and read the quote again.  Decide to walk away from the Drama Queens (or Kings) in your life.  Reside in a place where people make you laugh, and show you respect.  It’s hard to walk away, some of these people have been in my life for 30+ years, but they’re weighing me down.  I will be the Phoenix rising from the ashes, see me soar!

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“Carryover”!! It Shouldn’t Happen But It Does . . .

I love this article.  It sounds exactly like something my GF’s and I would sit down to discuss after a bottle of wine on another “alone” Friday or Saturday night.  In it, it does elude to the possibility of you having another man in your life, but even if you don’t, the points are still OH SO VALID!

Nothing drives you crazier than going out with a new person and feeling like you’re having to “live up to” or “compensate for” the last woman to sit across the table from him.  I have never held anyone else accountable for the things my ex did, other than my ex.  So hear you go!  Read and enjoy these thoughts

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-gaitan/five-things-divorced-wome_b_6314616.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

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Lesson #45

“Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Whether you believe in a higher being or power, or not, life should be viewed as a gift.

You only have to be present at the birth of a new baby to understand the preciousness of each new life – it’s a beginning.

My life post divorce has been a gift.  When I started the journey, I would not have been able to say that.  I thought of it as a punishment and wondered what in the world I had done so awful that this was the outcome?

I have found a new voice in my head, and met many new and wonderfully strong women along the way.  I have found a voice through this blog, and a way to share feelings and receive validation of my own.

I’ve taken so many steps backward, but so many more forward – every day is progress, every day is a new beginning to be a better person.

Thank you for being my journey “gift” on the 45 Life Lessons.  I’m not going away, you’ll just not see me in your inbox every morning.   I look forward to exploring more of life’s gifts this year and even if they’re not tied up, all pretty and perfect, with a big frilly bow – I still look forward to receiving them.

May your journey be peaceful and full of love and adventure!  Blessings!

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Lesson #44

“Yield.”

My first thought with this word, or concept, was as it pertains to traffic and operating a motor vehicle.   I’m thinking I remember that we’re to yield to the right, or you yield to the car already in the intersection or a traffic circle, or the pedestrian in the crosswalk.  Slowing down to yield could save a life, or at the very least avoid a heavy repair bill.  But people don’t.

My second thought with this word was regarding certain political speeches where they “yield” the floor, but that doesn’t equate to agreeing to the other side’s point of view.   It’s politeness in politics.  (is that an oxymoron?)  But in most situations, people don’t.

My third thought was how it pertains to an argument or a fight.  To yield is, in essence, to give in or give up.  In our society, we’re built on competition and thrive on winning.  To yield would mean to lose – and that’s never looked upon favorably.  I don’t know many people who care to yield to a fight, once they’re in it.

In the equestrian world, there’s such a thing as a leg yield.  It’s simple, it’s just gently pressing against the side of your horse with the inside of your leg to get them to move over.  Once they do, you stop pressing.  They’ve done what you wanted, you reward them by taking the pressure off.

Maybe as this relates to a Life Lesson, it just means to take a step back.  Don’t be so unbending in your opinions.  Don’t be so blinded by your own that you can’t see the other side.  Maybe if you do, the pressure will stop?

 

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Lesson #41

“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.”

I will if you will!

Seriously, as I write this I’m sitting in my bathrobe still, with both dogs asleep on my feet.

How easy is it for us to “cancel”, to not show up, to live the day in our workout clothes (whether we actually work out or not)?   Too easy for me.   I need to quit asking myself the question, “Do I really have to?”

Yes I do!

Our mothers got up, dressed up and showed up.

OK – off to shower . . .

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Lesson #40

“The best is yet to come.”

It is what keeps me going!  I’m just curious enough to believe it, and want to see it!  : -)

 

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Lesson #39

“Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.”

I’ve been there, and sometimes I’m still there.  I believe it’s human nature that sometimes we look around and are envious of other’s possessions and/or achievements.

To have what they have, would I be willing to trade my life for their’s though?  No.

I’m blessed beyond compare, I have more than I ever thought I would.  It may not be the path I thought I would take, but I have satisfaction and gratitude for my life.

I like who I am, I’m a darned nice person.  Sometimes I fall prey to the “If only I had  the same _____  that so-and-so has . . . ”   Occasionally I feel sad for some of the things I’m most passionate about that I’ve had to walk away from for budgetary reasons.  Watching others still get to do it because they are married and can afford it.  Honestly, it stings.

But to make a list of my “haves” and my “have nots” – clearly I “have” and need to learn today’s lesson is part of the process of making myself whole again.  I promise to try to be more grateful and less envious, and know it’s part of a bigger plan.

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Lesson #35

“All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.”

Note that this does not say that you WERE loved” – it’s that YOU loved.

Happy Valentine’s Day and for a lot of us, it’s just another reminder that we’re NOT part of a couple.

I’ve written on this blog before of the many different way’s Valentine’s Day has weaved itself into my life so I won’t bore you again – but it’s there, always in the background.  Note to self:  never name your new puppy Valentine in honor of your BF’s gift, because when he dumps you – every time you call out that name, it stings!

The message today on this day of love, is that you are loving.  First and foremost you need to make sure that you love yourself, because if you can’t love yourself and your actions, you will never be able to truly express love to another.

Love your family members, yes even the ones who drive you crazy – we all have them.  Love your friends, and even when they are no longer a constant in your life, love them anyway.

Love your neighbors, you never know what they’re going through so send them a message, say hi, smile and wave as you pass by.  Show love to those in the service industry, thank them for what they do.   Share a smile, brighten their day.

Love those who have hurt you, and those that “done you wrong.”  Maybe it’s the first kindness they’ve had in a while?  Maybe it’ll never be returned but no one can ever fault you for not at least trying?

The Golden Rule has been passed down for years and years – there’s a good reason.  It’s to make us all better, kinder, more loving human beings.  It starts with you.

 

 

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Lesson #30

Two thirds of the way along our Life’s Lessons journey and I just love this one!  It needs no explanation, only trust in the possibilities!

“Believe in miracles.”

They do happen!

Amen!

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Lesson #28

“However good or bad a situation is, it will change.”

This is remarkably close to yesterday’s lesson.  If you give a situation enough time, it will change.

We have a saying in Texas, “If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes . . .”

If I have the patience, the right attitude and a little luck – I mostly can get my bad situations turned around.  It used to be easier just to whine about them and do nothing.  Remember the lesson on throwing yourself a pity party?

I’ve learned that it’s my responsibility to do the best I can, to get those bad situations turned around and make them in to, if not good situations, at least more tolerable.

Keep a positive attitude, wow does it make a HUGE difference.

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