suddenlysinglewomen

Becoming the best version of yourself

Lesson #25

“Forgive everyone everything.”

I’m really glad they waited half way through their list before they hit me with this one.

I used to tell people that the personalities of my spouse and I were so different.  When it came to anger or being mad, he’d explode, get it all out of his system then move on.  I pouted, sulked, took names and kept score.

Forgiveness is something we all want, so why is it so very hard to give?

Flash back to the life lesson telling you not to hold onto your anger because it only hurts you.  Not forgiving someone is also only hurting yourself.  Keeping it all inside and letting it fester is an open wound.  The more important thing to me is not the “how” you get it done, but the “when”.

It’s also an action that happens at your own pace.  My mind told me after my husband’s first affair that the only way to work it out, and stay together, was for me to be able to forgive his infidelity.  My heart said, “Say what?” –  but I worked on it, it was tough, and eventually I got there.

And then he goes and does it again . . . so I worked on it again, harder.

Forgiving him isn’t saying what he did was alright, or that it didn’t matter.  Forgiveness is not giving the person who hurt you an excuse, or a get outta jail card free.  Forgiveness freed me to move on and become a better, happier, healthier person.  Forgiveness is a “work in progress” – but it won’t progress unless you actually try it, embrace it, and give it a chance.

 

 

 

 

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Lesson #24

“Frame every so-called disaster with these words:  In five years, will this matter?”

Guess it would depend on the so-called disaster.

A friend spills wine on my rug and just looks at me with an “Oh, was that me?” look on her face and makes no move to clean it up?  Yes, that’s a disaster of the moment, but certainly won’t matter to me in five years (assuming it’s not red wine and ruins the carpet).  Seriously, it’s upsetting at the time, but doesn’t alter the course of my life.

My ex sister-in-law lost both her husband unexpectedly, and a couple of months later, her house to a tornado, in the same year.  Now that would be a disaster that would still matter in five years.  Her house has been rebuilt, but will her life ever be the same?

What used to matter to me has really changed since my divorce.  I hazard a guess (as I gracefully grow older) that even without the divorce, some of those things would have mattered less and less anymore.  Our priorities change, our needs change and hopefully our graciousness over how we handle “so-called disasters” grows.

This life lesson falls under the category of:  Don’t sweat the small stuff!

 

 

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Lesson #23

We’ve crossed the half way mark on our Life’s Lessons adventure.  I don’t know about how you’re feeling, but I’ve loved having “food for thought” everyday.  If you’re reading this, thanks for going on this journey with me!

“No one is in charge of your happiness except you.”

Let’s say that again:

“NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU.”

‘Nuff said!

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Lesson #22

“The most important sex organ is the brain.”

Oh to have had this statement when my sons were teenagers!!  Not implying they were sexually active, but it just says what you need to say in such a sweet succinct way!

Now that I’m single and “out there” again, it’s still such a powerful statement.  Ladies, and a few gentlemen, these are different times.  There are so many diseases and other consequences out there if you are sexually active.  Being prepared isn’t being promiscuous, it’s being smart.

Even married, I never thought about being careful and protected because we were monogamous . . . right?  WRONG!  Do you know how embarrassing it was every time I learned of a new affair to have to go to the gynecologist and ask for a test for HIV/Aids?

All I think this lesson is saying is to do just that – THINK!  Use your brain, protect yourself.  Impulse is great if it’s having an impromptu picnic on a gorgeous spring day.  Impulse when it comes to sex needs to be put in check.

Check what your true feelings for this person are.

Check whether he’s truly single (if you’re dating) or truly monogamous (if you’re married).

Check if this is the right time to be intimate or are you just feeling really lonely and this fills a hole in your heart.

Check your heart.

Check that you’re not just a booty call, trust your intuition.

Check what his intentions are, what are yours?

Your brain is a powerful tool, use it and be smart.  Your heart will appreciate it.

 

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